A Little About Beasties...

Only recently discovered in the late months of the year of Moogla, the Spiralococclemincobeastie (commonly referred to as Beasties) are quite a mystery.  We thought we might offer the little bit of information that we have gathered in hopes that you, our fellow scientists, learn more about them and also share.

Beastie begins its life as a small egg.  A little known fact is that most Beastie eggs are sold in gumball machines as small, colorful, rubber balls.  They are extremely resilient and make great toys for children, who love to slam them against walls and floors and watch them ricochet like bullets around the room.  The color of the egg dose not appear to be indicative of the Beastie color, but Beasties seem to come in all kinds of colors, ranging from bright and playful to dark and somber.

 *It is interesting to note that the Beastie egg does not hatch.  We have never witnessed the ‘birth’ of a Beastie but we have often brought home Beastie eggs and later found tiny newborn Beastielings snuggled desperately close to seemingly intact egg balls. We have tried camera surveillance and no matter how much we slow down the footage all we can see is that one moment the egg sits alone, while the next moment a tiny Beastieling has joined it.  Beastie babies look quite different from toddler Beasties and toddler Beasties look as much different again, as adults.  Adult Beasties, we are told, are full fledging dragons but, none of us know how long the transformation between stages.

The Beastie was thought, for a long time, to be mouth-less.  Alas, this is not true.  Beasties actually have terrifying gaping mouths that stretch entirely across their head, from ear to ear.  Their mouths appear to be unhinged to allow the top of their heads to drop behind them.  This easily displays their multiple rows of jagged teeth… a great deterrent for the more timid monsters found sneaking into children’s bedrooms in the dark of the night.   Beasties are fearless though and will, upon provocation, use their highly effective teeth to protect their human children from any nighttime terror.  We were most disturbed to witness the complete destruction and consumption of a rabid werewolf that happened into the nursery one night.  One second the filthy thing was reaching out to grab the baby for a midnight snack, while the next moment it was disappearing into the (what we had originally considered mouth-less) throat of our little beast friend.  We were wary of the little guy for days after, but he has proven to be a most effective protection and comfort on dark and spooky nights.

Beasties are trouble.  Not everybody is equipped to handle the Beastie’s playful naughtiness.  They love to drink milk straight out of the jug, always leave the toilet seat up, and roll (most joyfully) in piles of abandoned dog hair.  Beasties may pull out all of the toys and leave them on the floor or intentionally leave the decorative couch pillows in disorderly piles next to the couch cushion forts they have constructed.  They drool on pillows, don’t make their beds, and like to steal single socks from pairs.  House gnomes, husbands, and children (we fear) have often been blamed for many of the Beasties fiascos.   Children have been most successful at loving the naughtiness out of their little Beasties, but be prepared for relapses.

Overall, Beasties are an adventurous, naughty, playfully lovable species of creature.  They appreciate the company of other Beasties, human children, and fun loving human adults.

Would you like to order your own incredible Beastie?  CLICK HERE